Breakdown...Breakthrough!!!

OK so this past weekend was Randy's banquet for work. I really wanted to look nice so we went shopping. I think I must have gone to about 6 or 7 stores. Dots, Ross, Target, Maurice's, Dress Barn, Catherine's, Lane Bryant, and I cant even remember. Well I looked at every single item and of course nothing fit.Or I looked pregnant. I hated everything I tried on. At Dress Barn I started getting upset and sad. When I made it to Maurice's I finally lost it in the dressing room. I sat there on the floor half dressed crying. I swear for about 20 minutes. When Randy came to check on me I told him I wanted him to just get me out of here. I wanted to go home and get in bed a die.
I felt mad, frustrated, sick to my stomach, and horrified. I let this happen to myself. He felt so bad and really tried to comfort me. He said all the right things. But it didn't matter. I still felt awful. So he took me to Old Navy...he says "you always find something there". But I didn't want jeans and a t-shirt. I wanted something nice. He won Driver of the Year and I knew they were gonna take pictures and all so I wanted to look good, for him!! Anyways, I didn't find anything.
He took me home and I just went to bed. I didn't even cook dinner. Thankfully the girls knew something was wrong so they helped Randy make dinner! They are all so awesome! I slept for about 3 hours. I was just drained! Exhausted! I just told myself I would wear one of the 3 things I had in my closet.
So Saturday, we get up, get dressed, and left. We had to drop the kids off at my sisters but then headed to the hotel. I laid on the bed while Randy got dressed. I ended u wearing jeans! my flat boots, and a blouse I had bought the week before. It was nothing special. it was like a champagne color. And wore my little black sweater over that.
I felt ugly. I felt out of place. I felt under dressed. Everyone was in heels, nice skirts, and blouses, or slacks. I just wasn't feeling it!
But we had a good time. I drank a lot!!! Loosened me u a bit. So that was it!
Sunday we got up and picked up the kids and came home. Over lunch me and Randy talked with the kids and made a decision together. NO more!! We were gonna start eating right and exercising!
Monday I went shopping. Just to stay moving during the day! I did so much!
I did little things to the house that we had on the Honey do list that we had been putting off.
It felt good.
Then I made baked chicken for dinner with broccoli rice. It was so good! We also had a big salad. which was mostly spinach! The kids really liked it!
I bought the Biggest loser Last Chance Workout video. It says loose 30 lbs in 6 weeks. That is my goal. My birthday is in 6 weeks. And I would love to lose 30 lbs before then. Hell I'd be happy with 20!! So after dinner we cleaned the kitchen and then popped the dvd in! We all did it in the living room!
It hurt like hell but we did it!! And I felt good!
i even finished up the laundry and vacuumed the upstairs. Man I was on a roll.
I took a shower and passed out! I was so tired but proud of myself!!

I weighed myself last night and was 205.
My goal is to get down to 175. I would like to start there!
AGAIN!

Well it was definitely a breakdown...but definitely a breakthrough!
It sucks that I had to hit this rock but I am glad that I did!

Lots of Love!!!